Sunday, 10 July 2011
0 Comments. Nowt. Nothing. Oh god, my nights are becoming the cusp of my dreary thoughts. Im scared. Again, my soul just feels static, like its been drained. I now feel incomplete..I really hoped it would work. I really hoped I was somthing special. Oh, its just that it is so painful to finally accept something you never thought your problem. I feel a little bit sick now.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
The past few nights I've been having the best and most exciting dreams I've had in long time. I try, I do try, as soon as the morning kicks in, to remember the blurry images that linger between my eyelids and my eyes. I cant remember the first one, which was about a week ago, but I managed to retain some images from the past two nights. On Monday night I dreamt I was in this big house, looking for someone..cant remember how I got there. In one of the rooms there was a tower, or like a tall platform, and on here were some people dancing. Suddenly I was on the platform, where these people are dancing something that looks like flamenco and again, all of a sudden, I somehow am taking part of this dance. We are told to bat our arms, quickly, and because our arms are so strong I find that we can fly, its all in the frenetic batting of our very stiff arms..And so we floated, for a few seconds and then landed gracefully on our feet..and again, and again.. This is all I remember from this dream. Good dream.
Last night I went to bed after being out for some drinks. I like getting a little light-headed, not too drunk. So yesterday, I was a little light-headed. Alcohol, tobacco and etc were in my system when I went to bed. This dream was crazy. All I remember is that I was at the cinema, or somewhere similar, I was looking for someone again, or maybe not..the thing is that I was sitting in the screen with other people I knew that now cant remember either, and suddenly felt a cold forehead, for a few dream-minutes I didn't realise what had happened to my head, until I noticed my forehead was dripping blood. I had been shot. I tried to find someone to report the injury, but I was expelled from the place, as I was told I was high and wasn't allowed any medical attention. Apparently my eyes gave it away.. Cant remember what happened to me after that, but then I woke up and I was fine. Crazy.
Just now, sitting here, while my heart speeds up and my brain sinks deeper and deeper in trickle thoughts, I fear time. Again. I sometimes wish we, I , didn't need to worry about it. I wish my heart, my chest, my lungs were made of velcro, that I could simply detach from my body when they feel heavy, as they do. Or maybe a 'peel-off' version, that you could buy in shops once you've ran out. Maybe science is too worried about trivial things like space, we have enough troubles here on Earth. Get me some detachable organs.
Monday, 4 April 2011
yes, it has been a while, a long time. I have been trying to make work worth putting up, to show the world, but nah..not there yet. Its like I picked a theme for this year, without actually knowing. My days revolve around not having enough time to do things, not having enough time to think, and its not like Im terribly busy, its just that hours, days, weeks..dont last, they vanish like your breath in a cold night..you see it, is there and blink once; its gone. Yes, I like ranting about not having enough minutes to count, etc etc but its true.. I shall try to be more productive instead. For my own sake and mental health.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Reading about someone else's dreams makes you want to dig out your dream residues from the night before, see if they somehow make a story worth telling. Most of the time I dont remember my dreams..its only the past week and last night that the events have been significant enough for me to recall them after waking up.
I sleep a lot, I like sleeping. But it seems that this over sleeping I have going on right now is obstructing my brain from remembering what happened during those dark hours.
Last night I was in Berlin,apparently, climbing a very steep hill. There were two paths for this hill, but me and Irene Rodriguez (to whom I haven't spoken in the 4 years that its been since we left school) decided to ride our bikes up the steep side. It was complicated, and we ended up carrying our bikes, I assume so anyway because they were gone half way through the climbing.. we managed to get to the top, we looked at the view, which seemed to be the landscapes of Cartago, in a summer afernoon. As it tends to be. It wasnt that clear, but now trying to remember thats the feeling I get from the images in my head. We laughed, proud of ourselves when suddenly, outisde my room the noise of feet rushing down the stairs woke me up, I think the fire alarm went off again, but maybe that was another day..